I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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