I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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