I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
The beer is more important than you right now.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
