epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
