his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
