I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
