porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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