I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
