On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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