so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
