i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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