Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
