you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
