Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
