At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
birth control should be required to get into college
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
