My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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