He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
