Swine flu. Run for my life!
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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