and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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