bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
