in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
worst night to have a conscience
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
