Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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