Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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