Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
