True but thats because hes a fetus.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
