so that wasnt chicken after all
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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