But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
