Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
