words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
