Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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