I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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