the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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