Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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