I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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