I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
too bad you live with your parents still
i just google imaged poop.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
