I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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