You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
