I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Actions speak louder than pants.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
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