i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
