It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
