What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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