He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
