I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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