question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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