just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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