I want to walk on stilts...naked
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
