im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
