is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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