Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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