I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
