I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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