I want to stick my p in your. b.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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