I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
