No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
