how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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