I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
