Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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