Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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