Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
