so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
