"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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