Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
