Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
