omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
