Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
