im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
