yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
