so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
