I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
