alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
