at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize