I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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