Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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