Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
