What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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