he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
