If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
whose ass print is on the piano?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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