Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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