Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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