I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
