Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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