all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
