Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
