I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize