The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
