T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
