Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize