Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
